he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
