kristin has been a bad kristin
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
