She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
