i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
