I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize