you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
