Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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