She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
