I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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