I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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