When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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