dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
