just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
