fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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