I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
