her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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