i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
