he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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