Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
