If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
NoShamevember. You game?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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