He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
