The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
