I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
