We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone came in the potted fern
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
