just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
