How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
