bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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