1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
