I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
