Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
