I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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