Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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