I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
