you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
