you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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