Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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