Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
