I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
