and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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