He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My first STD was from a foam party
there's paper in my vomit.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
