If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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