Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
