You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
