I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
