maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
