It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
