took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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