i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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