i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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