I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
