I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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