3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
