Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize