There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
