The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
