im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
