Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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