if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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