i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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