Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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