Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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