So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
