im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
