i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
