That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bring money and cleavage
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
