clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
