I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
