on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
