There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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